


Fiat Nihil

by KR Grim (KR_Grim)



Series: Nihilus [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU - Science Fiction, Colony Ships, Multi, OC Antagonist, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-01-15
Updated: 2012-05-28
Packaged: 2017-10-14 18:45:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/152308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KR_Grim/pseuds/KR%20Grim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Earth Mark II and New Alternia have been combined into a single ship designed to act as a transport until our crew can find a place in this strange new sector of space to "set up shop". It won't be long before they learn why their two ships collided... and what they're supposed to do now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sixteen Planets

**Author's Note:**

> Our heroes' triumphant return! Or arrival! Or something. The title is taken from the song _Sixteen Candles_ , and not the movie (yes, I realize it could be taken from there, but it wasn't, so nyeh :P ). Have to type "lyrics" afterwards to get the song just to make sure I didn't title the song incorrectly. This is kinda important, because the chapter titles for this one are all going to be based on (or blatantly ripped) song lyrics.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

**Part One: Sixteen Planets**

It hadn’t taken long, reflected the White King as he looked out at Skaia’s vast expanse. The place had produced sixteen proxy battlegrounds which would, of course, remain unused except for the inevitable spillover. He figured that meant sixteen invaders into their little game, sixteen participants in the final battles. He looked at the Black King, whose daunting check still lay on the chessboard, the Green King still pondering how to counter it. Check was an unthinkable situation, so none of them had thought of ways around it. Well, tonight that ended.

“Since it appears we are on break,” replied the Black King, “I suppose now is the time to ask. These sixteen planets that Skaia has belched up…. are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“It’s never produced extra planets before,” said the White King. “I think, not unlike your own check against English, this is Skaia’s endgame. When we kill these sixteen interlopers, one of us will win this game, and he will be able to do with Skaia as he pleases. An outcome I would be quite willing to accept.”

The Blood King shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Perhaps,” he said. “However, the fact remains that Skaia is giving them training grounds. Perhaps we should form our own attack forces on these planets. Nothing big, of course. Underlings. Nothing so strong or time-investing as an actual board-piece.” The Blood King smiled, his nerves slightly dispelled by the idea of underlings. “We shall use them as deathly enemies for these… intruders.”

***

Equius growled. First had been the robolegs for that crippled brown-blooded Tavros. Then had come the smaller sixteen-man craft that held the important things from the humans’ cargo hold and, at Karkat’s and Terezi’s insistence, an engine room. Despite the fact that the engine could save room if it were on the outside, the blind girl had paralyzed him with her logic and argument. The addition of the synthesis of the troll and human computers into once central unit had been Sollux’s job, thankfully — if Equius had had to deal with that as well, heads would have rolled. All the heads. All of them.

There was only one terminal; everyone had otherwise synthesized some means of fast, hands-free communication, whether it be Dave’s iShades or Her Imperial Majesty’s Goggle Droid. And yet, he was ignoring everyone’s requests. He was too busy turning the ship’s hold into a fighting ring for him and his robots. True, the ship’s cargo hold wasn’t exactly spacious, but he’d make do. He had to make do. The only other option was… he didn’t want to think about it. He was a blue-blood. Nobility. Nobility did not engage in recreational procreation. That was one of the depravities of the lower classes. The yellow-bloods, the red-bloods, the lesser green-bloods.

He was sweating again. The human John had provided him with a fair amount of towels, but that was doing nothing to ease his mood. A stupid red-blooded human had given him something to aid with his perspiration problem. He mopped up the sweat with a towel. Damn him. Damn him straight to the deepest pits of the darkest hell. This was why he needed the fighting cage completed. This was why he needed to work off his aggression. There were just too many distractions, too many things angering him. He climbed out of the cargo hold and walked toward the hold, passing by the engine room. As he passed, he swore he heard something from it. But it couldn’t really be… A peek wouldn’t hurt. It couldn’t hurt. After all, he had to perform maintenance on the ship, and if the engine was creaking, that was something he would have to fix. He slid open the door and looked inside.

The towel he was holding dropped to the floor with a wet slapping sound. The sight before him wasn’t just borderline pornographic. Even in his steamiest fantasies involving Aradia, he had never seen anything quite like what Karkat and Terezi were doing in front of him. And apparently they hadn’t heard the door open, because they were still going at it. Equius began sweating even more. He couldn’t look away, even though he desperately wanted to. This was too much for him to stand, but… but… The rolling streams of sweat from his body began dripping onto the floor with a quiet plinking noise. His sensibilities were being turned on their head. A teal-blood, engaging in… in _that_? What was the world coming to?

Gathering all his willpower, he finally closed the door, grabbing another towel from his sylladex. He was a sweaty mess. The spectacle he’d just been audience to hadn’t helped matters any. He stormed into the control room, tearing the door out of its track. “Where in the name of all that is pure and holy is Vriska?” he asked. Sollux was the only one in there at the time, the filthy yellow-blood who was, somehow, attracting romantic attention from the one troll with the noblest blood of them all.

“VK?” he hasked. “Um. I think she’s in the ablution trap freshening up.” Equius sighed. “Why? I thought you liked AA.”

“I require her services as a pressure release on the valve that is my emotional pipeline,” he said. “I would normally ask Nepeta, but her matesprit that filthy human is predictably taking all of her time.” Sollux sighed.

“Can’t help you there,” he said, turning back to the computer. “I suggest you look for her. You might be able to catch her once she’s done in the trap.”

“Call it by its proper name,” muttered Equius. “Call it the bathtub like a civilized person.” Equius figured the lack of response was Sollux taking his advice seriously, and he left the command room.

***

As he heard the door open again, Sollux sighed. First had been Equius. Then had been Vriska asking if he knew where Tavros was. Then Nepeta had tried to insist on hiding under the terminal for her game of hide and seek with John before bugging him for a copy of TrollTorrent. Then had come Dave with a request for rap gear. If it was one more inanity, he would snap the neck or chitinous windhole of whoever was trying to — “Hi, Sollux.”

Her tone conveyed everything he needed to know. He could picture her soft smile, the glint of the cabin-light off her goggles, that cute little protrusion on either side of her face. His heart raced as he turned his chair around to see Feferi standing in front of him. “Hey, FF,” he said, getting up and walking over to her. “How’s it going?”

Feferi giggled. “Oh, it’s going OK. I passed John and Nepeta in the hall. They’ve apparently gotten copies of an Earth role-playing game that Nepeta wants to try out. I didn’t quite catch the name.” She wrapped her arms around him. “And you?” Sollux mumbled something, and she wrapped her arms tighter. “Stressful day, hm?” She couldn’t help herself. He could feel her nibble his cartilage auditory receptor. Or, as she would have called it, his ear. His left hand began to twitch slightly. If she wasn’t careful, her horns would get locked in his, and that could only lead to trouble. Trouble he wouldn’t mind being in, but trouble nonetheless. He felt her horns gently brush against his. He shuddered. leaning in and kissing her gently. The horns weren’t entangled, but they _were_ touching… and Sollux could feel his bone bulge beginning to bulge further. He flushed mustard-yellow. Feferi’s only response was another light-hearted giggle.

***

The ship sped on to its first destination, a violet planet that Nepeta was currently dreaming on. She could see the ship approaching, but more important was the Derseite Moon. She flew along the chain, reaching the Towers Fourfold that rested on the moon. She could see symbols starting to flicker on. There was something that looked rather like a set of claws, another which looked like Pounce de Leon if she only had one mouth, and two blurry symbols. Nepeta squinted hard— one of the things was just a pair of squiggles, and the other was… Nepeta couldn’t be sure. It almost looked like an evil clown. She floated back down to Derse Proper to assess her situation.

There was something going on here, and until Rose or someone else who was on Derse fell asleep, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to figure it out. She looked up at the towers of the moon, then to the planet’s maze of twisting passages. Then to Skaia, closer than she had expected when she had woken up, but still at an appreciable distance. Somewhat. She leapt toward the blue orb, but she stopped when she saw something new. Close to Skaia, in a ring between it and the planets with chained moons, were several smaller planets. Nepeta could only make out seven, but she was fairly certain there were more than that. But those seven — no, wait, eight, possibly nine — were the ones she could make out. And each one looked strangely barren, almost as though they were waiting for something to happen. She flew towards the first one she saw.

In a flash, it changed. Instead of being a barren rock, it was a planet of little cubes and massive teapots, a place where frolicking was not only possible, but almost mandatory. Nepeta squealed with joy as she leapt about on the planet, her dreamself enjoying the experience. And as she continued to frolic, she felt a tug, as though her dreamself were being anchored to this Land of Little Cubes and Tea. She paused. This demanded experimentation!

She leapt towards Derse, landing there after a brief flight. And as she walked its streets, she noted that nothing really felt different. Perhaps that was just her imprinting on the world? Or maybe — 

The train of thought was abruptly derailed as she was awakened by a loud noise on board the ship. A strangely familiar shout… “GAMMMZEEEE! WHERE THE BULGEBREAKING NOOKSHATTERING FUCK HAVE YOU GONE OFF TO?!” Nepeta suppressed a giggle. An angry Karkat was a funny Karkat most of the time, especially when he began getting so angry he would misswear. Nepeta looked around; Gamzee was lounging next to her, not asleep but clearly out of it. She poked him lightly.

“Gamzee, I think Karkat’s looking for you,” she said. He blinked a couple times before grinning at Nepeta. “Are… are you all right?”

“Hahaha, fuck yeah,” said Gamzee. “It’s all chill. Hella frozen.” He got up, still wearing a grin. His eyes were slightly unfocused. “Still not sure what the fuck that shit John had was, but it is seriously fuckin’ amazing… I mean, god fucking shitpissing damn was that some awesome drink.” She led Gamzee up to the control room. The smell was on his breath and it was horrible, but strangely intoxicating. Nepeta figured she’d find John and ask him what he’d been drinking with Gamzee. Karkat, meanwhile, had begun an aggressive verbal beatdown on Gamzee.

John was sitting in the ship’s makeshift kitchen with an open bottle next to him, giggling. Another bottle of what Nepeta had presumed was the same stuff was on the floor. “Hey, Nepeta!” he shouted, stumbling over to her. His breath smelled like Gamzee’s, only stronger, more intoxicating. “You want some o’ this?” Nepeta looked at the bottle he offered. It was marked “rum”, and it was a little more golden than Tavros’s blood. Against her better judgment, she took it and drained the rest of the bottle.

***

“And so then Dave won’t even alchemize apple juice for a whole day!” Terezi could hear the laughter and the sharing of stories even through the closed door. She was fairly certain what was going on even before she opened the door; she had smelled the slight traces of alcohol on Gamzee’s breath, and you didn’t need to be a rocket scientist to put two and two together.

“OK, OK, my turn!” Terezi opened the door, and the smell of the two boozed-up friends hit her like a tidal wave. “Hi, Terezi! I was just about to tell John about you and Karkat running out of the room back when you two were coming out!”

“Ahahahaha!” John fell off the alchemiter and continued laughing. “Man, you made them sound gay! Hehehehe!” Nepeta pounced on him, a curious look in her eye.

“What’s gay?”

“Um… it’s when a girl likes girls, or a guy likes guys, in a… um…” John looked like he was fishing for words. “In a flushed way!” Nepeta began laughing again.

“There’s a word for that?”

“I guess,” said John. On cue, the two of them dropped into a fit of giggles. “So yeah!”

Terezi sighed. “I suppose I should leave you two to your alcohol, but against my better judgment, I’m bringing you to the command room. Gamzee’s there too.”

“Kick ass!” shouted John. “He is one goddamn awesome motherfucker!”

Nepeta giggled. “You sounded kinda like him just then!”

“…Let’s just go,” said Terezi. She used her cane to find where they were, then helped them up and began walking with them. She didn’t like the fact that the scent of alcohol was blunting her finely-tuned nose into something really only useful for telling if the drunks were nearby.

***

Karkat glared at the two in front of him. They were so drunk, even _he_ could smell it on their breath. “Fucking…” Snarling, he turned to John. “What the hell were you thinking?”

John guffawed. That was _not_ the reaction Karkat was expecting. “Well, Gamzee was wondering what kind of drinks we had, and he saw one marked rum, and I explained pirate movies to him, and… hahahaha… we made some and began drinking it! Only… haha… only Gamzee wanted to make sure Nepeta was OK, so he kinda left.”

“I see.” Karkat turned to Nepeta. “And you?”

“Hehehe… after I brought Gamzee to you, I found John… and he shared a few bottles with me… hehehe!” Karkat facepalmed. This was _not_ supposed to happen. He had to deal with two drunks and they hadn’t even hit a planet yet. “Karkat? You OK?”

“No, I’m not,” he growled. “I’m dealing with two idiots who decided to get so drunk that… that… I don’t know that I can come up with a good simile for how drunk you two are, but it’s stupid drunk.” He looked at John. He was still wearing that dumb grin. “At any rate, you’re the leader of the humans. That means you need to sober up.” Karkat’s fist tightened. “As temporary all-around leader, I’m ordering you two to pods. Sleep it off. NOW.” He pressed a button on the console. “Sollux, get your twofold ass in here right now and escort our two drunks to chambers.”

***

The first thing John noticed upon waking back up was that the lights seemed brighter than normal. Then came the roaring silence. Silence was not supposed to be this loud. And the hazy memories and the wave of nausea… the nausea was easily controlled, but the hazy memories bugged him. OK, so John Egbert didn’t have photographic memory. That didn’t mean he shouldn’t remember yesterday.

“Ugh… what the hell is this,” he muttered. Out of the corner of a bleary eye, he saw Sollux walk up to him. “Hey, Sollux.”

“Happy hangover, JE,” he said, sitting down next to him. “Do you have any idea how much you two drank? We looked at the number of bottles. I think it’s safe to say you and NP should be dead by now.”

John frowned. “You mean we were…” His mind immediately fell to one of the drunken tropes that his mind kept catalogued. “Oh god, did we — “

“You didn’t attempt to mate with each other. Hell, you didn’t even kiss. Kinda impressive, actually. I mean, I’d’ve expected you two to be on each other like two musclebeasts in heat or something.” Sollux took off his glasses and chewed on them thoughtfully. “I mean, that’s what you see in all these movies.” He frowned. “Well, the ones KK kept pushing on me, at any rate.”

“Well, that’s where my mind went… still glad to know we didn’t do anything… inappropriate.” He leaned back, looking over at Nepeta. “Any chance of turning the lights down?”

“The lights are this bright all over this ship, and Equius didn’t install a dimmer switch on any of them.” Sollux leaned against the pole. “Anyway, there’s some commotion going on  up at the bridge, apparently we’re nearing a planet. About damn time.”

“I wonder if anyone’s living there,” said John. Sollux shrugged.

“If they are, I guess we’re going to…” He put on his shades. “Rock their world.” John barely kept from groaning.

“You had that show too?”

“Say what you will about it, but Caruso’s one-liners were impressive.” Sollux took off his glasses again, wiping them off. “Anyway, that’s the low-down. KK had me here to make sure you two didn’t puke.”

John frowned slightly before shifting his attention to Nepeta. He smiled as one of her hands batted at the air. “That’s so adorable,” he said. Sollux rolled his eyes.

“Anyway, look, JE, I gotta go report back to KK.” Sollux left the room, leaving John and Nepeta alone. John, of course, began scratching her behind the ears. He knew she would wake up before planetfall. It was just a matter of how long that was.


	2. Onto The Silent Planet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter made the author have a sad, because John has a sad.
> 
> Also, bitches play chess. Bitches play chess HARDCORE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, the chapter title is an Iron Maiden reference, album _Brave New World_ , song _Out Of The Silent Planet_. One of my favorite songs on that album, alongside Dream of Mirrors. This chapter explains why I put that "Underage smoking" tag up there, even if it doesn't happen yet. Also it FINALLY has John and Karkat watching a movie together and glubbing I mean blubbering into each other's arms in a teary man-hug that tops all teary man-hugs ever. It is an EXPLOSION OF MAN-TEARS and I do not take back ANY of it.

**Part Two: Onto The Silent Planet**

The clouded planet loomed ahead of them. Something was sticking out from the thick clouds that coated the surface, something blue and rocky. And as they approached closer, there was a white… _something_ on top of it. John was one of the two who lined up at the window to take a look. He almost couldn’t believe his eyes when he was finally able to make it out. “Holy shit, that’s my house,” he said quietly. The ship moved close to it, eventually landing on a small plateau near the house. There was a ladder that could climb up to it on top of its spire. John leapt from the ship before anyone could stop him. As he began ascending the ladder, he could hear Karkat yelling at him.

“What in the name of goddamn fuckery are you doing, you imbecile?! This isn’t the time to be splitting up! There could be something up there waiting to ambush and kill you, you dense moron! Fucking hell, are you just stupid?!” He didn’t hear Karkat trying to climb after him, though, and by the time he’d reached the top of the spire, Karkat had given up on shouting. His house was just how he’d remembered it. The door opened easily — it was unlocked, and if the car in the driveway was any indication, his Dad was in. It was a miracle.

John dashed in. The house was still clean. It was like he’d never left. He pushed open the doors to the kitchen; there was nothing baking, but he could see several boxes of Betty Crocker cake mix. John made a face; the plethora of cakes and other baked goods had been a bit much, and would not soon be forgotten, even if they’d somehow disappeared. He went into his dad’s study. It looked perfect, as usual, and the piano was even still in tune. John carefully began plinking out a haunting refrain; it lasted a few minutes before he turned to the rest of the house.

The bathroom didn’t really need to be checked, but he did anyway. Everything was fine there, except for the now worryingly-conspicuous absence of Dad. He pushed open the door to the balcony — nothing there but a telescope. He opened the door to his room — the posters were all there, even if someone (John had no idea who) had scribbled imp-like jesters all over them, ruining them. He shook a fist at them before taking a look at his computer. It was still pristine, running like the day he’d left. And there was still no sign of Dad.

A quick run down to the laundry room revealed a sledgehammer, but no Dad. A run out back revealed no Dad. Everywhere John looked, everything had the signs of Dad making sure everything was in order, but there was no Dad anywhere. Even Nanna’s urn had been cleaned up as if he hadn’t knocked it over the previous day (well, the previous millennium, but who was he to argue with his perception of time?) There was still one room, though, that John hadn’t checked. Cautiously, he pushed open the door to his dad’s room, bracing for the worst. There were going to be thousands of clowns — harlequins, rather, his dad would get uptight at the suggestion that they were clowns — and his dad would be juggling something waiting for John to burst in and —

The room looked like it had been the site of a bonfire. Fire had singed the edges of several portraits on the wall, ashes of major possessions were scattered on the floor, and John could make out some slag that had once been a bed, or a hat-rack, or a fine leather briefcase (its contents were half ash, barely legible as business documents). In fact, only four entities were left relatively unharmed. John looked at the first, picking it up. It was a shoe, its sole melted into a useless blob. He held it close as he picked up the second item. It was a framed photo of John, pinned down by something that had once been glass before it had fused with the painted steel frame. A tear fell from John’s face onto the cracked glass covering his face. He looked in the ruins of the dresser. A pipe, gently caressed by flame instead of burned beyond recognition, was sitting there. It was almost too much to bear, and John could feel the tears welling up in his eyes.

He found the fourth item, and his hands were trembling. It had been his father’s wallet, although now he supposed it was his. John opened it up. There was a note inside.

“John, if you find this, I fear I will be dead. This wallet is your inheritance, and your birthright. Use it well, and keep it safe. Remember that you are my son and that I am so very proud of you. I love you so very much.”

His signature was at the bottom. John’s tears soon rendered it illegible.

***

“Ugh… It’s been an hour.” Terezi laughed at the “fearless leader” as he continued to act crabby about John’s disappearance. “Get everyone together, organize some fucking scouting parties to scout out the planet, I’m going to go check on the dipshit, make sure he hasn’t gotten himself captured like the fucking moron he is.” And, before she could argue, she could smell him climbing up the ladder that had built itself into the wall. She sighed.

“So it’s up to me to organize fourteen people? Ugh… Let’s see. Going to have to assign groups…” She pulled out a piece of chalk and began drawing on the side of the ship. It took a few minutes to properly balance out the teams, but once she had, she sent out a mass message to join her outside the ship for an exploration committee meeting. The rest of them quickly showed up.

“OK, what the hell, Pyrope?” asked Vriska. She stormed to the front, and had pressed a metallic finger right in Terezi’s chest. She pushed it aside and looked at everyone. Well, her eyes were pointed in their direction, at least.

“Glorious Fearless Leader has asked… Well, OK, not asked. He’s demanded we do some scouting, so I’m dividing us all into search parties so that he can have some alone-time with Mr. Egbert.” She suppressed a smirk as she smelled Nepeta begin to grow green with jealousy. “So we’re going to go off in four groups. The first group will be comprised of myself, as well as Rose, Kanaya, and Tavros.” She could smell Tavros’s relief and Vriska’s anger at her choice. “The second group will be Sollux, Dave, and Gamzee.” Dave’s barely perceptible nod of cool was invisible to her, but Sollux’s fist-pump wasn’t.

“The third group will be Equius, Vriska, Eridan, and Aradia. And a warning, if you guys kill each other, I will make sure that you are all buried with full honors.” The blood rushed from Equius’s face, and he began to sweat. She laughed as three of them quickly began conversing. Aradia merely made a sign of understanding. “And that leaves Nepeta, Jade, and Fef for the final group. You going to be OK with these nutters, Jade?” The three girls laughed, which Terezi took as a good sign. “All right then, let’s move out! Everyone pick a different direction, and let’s get moving!”

***

Sollux, Dave, and Gamzee didn’t make it too far east before they reached the giant cave. “Woah… motherfuckin’ wicked,” muttered Gamzee. “The fuck do you think they did with this shit? Was it, like, a fuckin’ rave cave?”

“Oh, yeah, and right next to the turntables they had the fuck tables,” said Dave. The sarcasm dripped from his voice in a most audible manner.

“Fuck tables? Shit, I wish I’d been fuckin’ born here back then. Motherfuckers woulda loved me.” Dave sighed. Sollux placed a hand on his shoulder.

“GZ doesn’t really get sarcasm, DS.” Sollux grinned. “He’s more of a straightforward miracles kind of guy.” Dave nodded. “So anyway, here’s this cave, we oughta explore.”

“Explore the dark cave when we don’t have any light. Great idea, Einstein.”

“We’ve got light,” said Gamzee. “We’ve got light in all the fuckin’ colors of the motherfuckin’ hemospectrum, an’ some that aren’t even real motherfuckin’ blood colors. Motherfucker who made this modus made a motherfuckin’ miracle.”

“God dammit,” said Dave. He looked at Gamzee. “Listen. Me and Sollux can’t see the light your sylladex makes. We’re finding something else, let’s keep heading to the motherfucking east.” Sollux laughed a little. Gamzee just turned that infuriating grin at him and nodded serenely. A little bit of sopor slime dripped from his lips.

***

The door to John’s house banged open as Karkat stormed in. He could hear John’s sobs coming from upstairs. They sounded dry and exhausted. Karkat growled as he stomped upstairs and threw open the door to the room John was in.

Upon seeing the scene, a feeling of regret washed over him. There was john, sitting in an ash-pile surrounded by a slagheap that used to be a bedframe and box-spring mattress. He was clutching a variety of things and sobbing. Some of the ashes he’d perched himself in had turned to ashen mud. Karkat felt a small measure of pity and placed a hand on his shoulder. “John? Um… what’s going on?”

John sniffed hard, hugging his pipe and wallet and whatever those other two things Karkat couldn’t quite make out. One looked like a blob of rubber, but only an idiot would cry over that. “I… I lost my Dad. I never really thought he’d ever…”

Karkat stopped himself before he said something really tasteless, like “What, did he trash your hive before he left” or “Did you think he’d leave his inconsiderate body here to mock you?” Instead, he sat down next to John, placing one hand on his shoulder. “So… I take it you’re upset because this was your hive, and you figured if it was here, he would be too?”

“Y-yeah.” John rubbed his nose on his sleeve. “S-so stupid. I sh-should have known that he’d be dead. I m-mean, he’s been gone for h-how long?”

“Hey. Stop that shit _this instant._ ” Karkat stood up before roughly hauling John to his feet. “You knew you probably wouldn’t see him again. And this whole fucking business has made you feel angry and sad and a whole host of other human emotions I know jack shit about.” He glared at John. “But whatever a Dad was, it was obviously something important. And this bullshit took away any hopes you had built up thanks to this planet’s tricks.” He gestured to where the ship was. “So what I say we do is figure out what the fuck brought us here, and get the fuckers back for all this shit they pulled. Starting with your Dad thing.”

John sniffed back a few tears and smiled at Karkat. “OK. …But first, want to watch a few movies?”

“…Fuck it, sure, why not.”

***

Terezi grinned as she sniffed the area. Mostly, it smelled the same as the previous ones — blue rocks, the twinkle of fireflies above, turquoise grass that glowed almost like moss. And yet, there were a few things that stood out. The most obvious was the chessboard, but there was also a field that Tavros was pacing in his new robolegs, and what smelled like unused exercise apparati, like a chin-up bar and a climbing rope and a punching bag. And, of course, little black-colored things wandering nearby. “Imps”, Tavros had called them. Apparently they presented no real harm to them, because Tavros hadn’t even drawn his Dagggerlance.

Kanaya and Vriska had sat down at the chessboard. It seemed like they would begin a new game, which was all right for them. Terezi was planning on a different kind of training. She walked into the middle of the arena. “Terezi Pyrope will now face all comers!” she shouted. Eavros clanked out of the way, and she laughed when he tripped over a small stone. He’d probably have to have Equius check the calibration again when they got back together. Imps were beginning to crowd around her.

“All right, let’s see how this goes!” She whirled her cane, transforming it into its true form, a three-section staff. “Wattah! Houyah! Kiai! Pyoh! Chiao!” Imp after imp fell to the quick bludgeon. Grist spilled around her like a piñata’s candy. Tavros winced as he watched. Clearly he wasn’t used to this kind of violence. Another few whaps with her cane.

Trollian dinged. She opened up the message; it was the Fearless Leader again.

 **  
_carcinoGeneticist began pestering  gallowsCalibrator_   
CG: HEY, LISTEN.  
CG: I NEED YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR, OK?  
CG: LET THE SCOUTS KNOW TO REPORT BACK HERE IN NO MORE THAN TEN HOURS, GOT THAT?  
CG: IT SHOULD BE ENOUGH TO DO SOME RECONNAISSANCE.   
GC: YOU GOT 1T, K4RKL3S!  
GC: H3H3H3  
GC: 4ND 1F TH3Y SL4CK OFF?   
CG: TELL THEM I’M GOING TO FUCKING RANT AT THEM.  
CG: ALSO, WE’RE MEETING AT JOHN’S HIVE. ON THE SPIRE.  
CG: AND WE’RE BUILDING A FORT HERE.  
CG: IT’LL BE A BASE OF OPERATIONS.  
CG: ME AND EGBERT ARE HAMMERING OUT THE DETAILS.  
CG: WE’LL TELL YOU PEONS LATER.   
GC: OK4Y, F1N3, 1’LL DO 1T.  
GC: BUT YOU OW3 M3, K4RKL3S.   
CG: LET’S NOT AND SAY WE DID.   
GC: OH, TH3R3 1S NO 3SC4P3, K3RK3T.  
GC: YOU’R3 PR3TTY MUCH STUCK 1N TH4T D1M3NS1ON.   
CG: WHAT DIMENSION   
GC: TH3 D1M3NS1ON WH3R3 3V3RYTH1NG 1S 4 F4VOR YOU OW3 M3.  
GC: H4H4H4   
CG: FUCK THAT.  
CG: ANYWAY I GOTTA GO, EGBERT’S GETTING ANTSY ABOUT HIS FUCKING MOVIES.  
CG: I JUST WANTED HIM TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN  
CG: AND NOW HE’S INSISTING I COME WITH HIM ON A LONGASS FUCKING TRIP THROUGH HIS MOVIES.  
CG: SO WE ARE FUCKING DOING THIS, END OF STORY.  
CG: AND YOU ARE TELLING EVERYONE WHEN TO BE HERE BY.  
CG: END OF STORY.   
GC: 4ND YOU W1LL OW3 M3 4 F4VOR SOM3T1M3 1N TH3 FUTUR3, B3C4US3 TH1S 1S NONN3GOT14BL3   
CG: OK FINE FUCK WHATEVER.  
CG: LATER.   
GC: L4T3R!   
_carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling  gallowsCalibrator_   
**

Terezi ran through her mental list of “group leaders”. She would do for a start.

***

 **  
GC: SO Y34H, TH4T’S K1ND4 WH4T K4RK4T S41D.   
CC: Got it, Terezi! 38)  
CC: We’ll keep exploring t)(is direction and tell you if we find anyt)(ing!   
GC: TH4T’D B3 GR34T.  
GC: 4ND R3M3MB3R, H3 W4NTS US B4CK 1N T3N HOURS   
CC: W)(ic)( is a LONG TIM-E for us to explore!  
CC: Did )(e say w)(y we )(ave so long?   
GC: MOV13S W1TH JOHN! >:O  
GC: DO YOU TH1NK H3’S TRY1NG TO ST34L JOHN FROM OUR K1TTY-LOV1NG FR13ND?   
CC: I )(ope not. 38(  
CC: T)(at would be flounder)(anded of )(im.  
CC: W)(ale, I’ll pass on t)(e word to Jade and Nepeta. T)(ey’re busy playing c)(ess.   
GC: WHO’S W1NN1NG?   
CC: Nobody…  
CC: T)(ey’re actually bot)( kind of )(orrible at it.  
CC: But don’t tell t)(em I said t)(at! )(-E-E)(-E-E   
GC: H3H3H3H3  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: L4T3R   
CC: Bye Terezi! BY-----E   
_gallowsCalibrator ceased trolling  cuttlefishCuller_   
**

Feferi watched the desperate back-and-forth. Neither of them was “good” by any stretch of the imagination, but Nepeta (playing Black) had a slight edge over Jade (who was White). Black still had a Knight; White had none of them. Feferi chuckled to herself. White was about to take the Knight if she knew her new friends, even though it would leave her more exposed. The move of a novice.

Nepeta would then take the piece instead of luring Jade into a false sense of security, just so she could be up two bishops to one. After that, it got complicated, but Feferi could see three victories for Black and two for White.

As the two friends subconsciously worked through the first scenario Feferi thought of, she laughed. The game was only halfway over, but anyone who wasn’t an amateur would be able to spot it from here. White had no chance now in the hands of anyone except a master. Black’s pawn would eventually be promoted… and then there would be a Black Queen again, after the spectacular double-queen-annihilation that was yet to come.

Feferi laughed. This was going to be an interesting game to watch through to the end.

***

Dave placed the final black piece where it needed to go. “Checkmate,” he said. Gamzee stared at the board for a good long while before he burst into laughter. “Good game.”

“Fuck, bro,” muttered Gamzee, looking at the board. “Motherfucking slaughter. You must really be able to kick some fucking ass.” There were almost as many black pieces on the board as when the game had begun, and the only piece Gamzee had had left was his king. “Mother. Fucking. Miracles.”

Sollux walked over to them, wearing an unusual headset. “Yeah, I got it. No prob. I’ll tell ‘em. Later, TZ.” He looked over at them, pushing his glasses up his nose. “OK, according to TZ, KK wants us back at the ship once we’re done exploring. I figure there’s still some stuff further to the east.”

“Sure, why the fuck not. How long we got?”

“Ten hours. That should be enough time for this.” Sollux grinned. He sat down next to Gamzee. “But first, it’s my turn to play against you. And I might have a few tricks up my sleeve.”

Dave grinned. “Bring it.”

***

Aradia was conversing with someone. Terezi, probably. Vriska, meanwhile, was staring at the board with unfathomable rage. She had lost control of the game somewhere along the line, and Aradia’s Black Queen had toppled her White King. And somehow Aradia had four pieces more than Vriska did. What the hell was this. She was supposed to have control. Her lusus had stripped control from her at a young age, when she’d been required to feed the stupid spidery monstrosity. And then there had been the loss of control to Mr. White Text, and the event that had blown up her arm just as she was getting an advantage over him. Even leaving Alternia hadn’t given her any control until she was out of the pod, and she was still under Karkat’s guidance. And now…

Terezi had forced her to partner up with these three assholes. Aradia had out-argued her in the directional choice. Aradia had gotten Equius to exercise his control over her arm. Aradia had stolen her control of the situation, and she couldn’t break into any of their minds. Her one greatest tool was gone.

She glared at Aradia’s robotic form. Well, two could play at that game. She could manipulate actions through romantic affection. Or… through blackrom. She grinned. Yes, that would actually be a good idea. Eridan could be a useful pawn, if she manipulated him right. Equius’s hatred of the nautical aristocracy didn’t mean he wouldn’t obey Eridan’s orders, however hestitantly. A shame Gamzee wasn’t there, but a potter worked with the clay she had been given, and she’d been given Eridan.

Eridan and his unrequited black crush. Not that he had to know it was unrequited. In fact, it would be better if she tricked him into believing it was still somewhat requited. Yes, it would be better like that. She could get him to do… well, anything.

And at that point, Equius would be at a disadvantage. After all, Eridan still had that legendary piece of shit. Advantage: Serket. Your move, Megido.

***

“Checkmate.” Rose wrote down the final move in her notepad. Kanaya looked the board over; there was no escape. “Good game, though. I don’t think I’ve had a challenge like you in… well, not since I last played Mother during one of her brief sober periods.”

“I still don’t quite see how you managed to pull it off,” said Kanaya. “Admittedly, this is the first time I’ve ever lost a chess game since I first beat Vriska, but that could entirely be chalked up to not having a decent opponent on all of Alternia that I could turn to on a reliable basis, given how the whole of civilization didn’t seem to care at all about — “

“Kanaya, you’re rambling again.” Rose smiled softly as she paged through her notebook. “Actually… the turning point in the game was here.” She pointed to a pair of moves that, at the time, had seemed unremarkable or even questionable. “A more reckless opponent would have looked at my move, spotted a weak point, and charged, however foolish it might have seemed at the time. An amateur, if given the game at this point, would also likely have done differently than you, because they wouldn’t know the depth of strategy behind the move. I’d give the amateur a ffity-fifty chance from my move.”

“But I lost. And I got more reckless later in the game.”

“When you felt you had more to lose. But at this point… you were unsure why I had done that. I could see the hesitation in your pose. You were wondering if I had any bigger plan, what my goal was in leaving that spot open. You figured that I would have crushed you in an instant.” She closed the book. “It was a gamble. A gamble that I won, but a gamble nonetheless.” She smiled. “So… really, we’re quite equal in skill. You just need to be less… hesitant. More assertive.” Rose’s laugh was quite melodic, as Kanaya saw it. “At any rate… shall we continue our exploration?”

“Um… er… ah…” Kanaya turned to Terezi. “Well, Madam Leader?”

“Sounds good to me.” Terezi grinned at Tavros. “C’mon, bull-horns. We’ll scout on ahead, leave the exploratory committee on interspecies relations to… explorator.”

***

Karkat and John were, by the end of the first movie, weeping into each other’s arms. John was weeping for the fact that Bruce Willis had died to save the Earth and his daughter from certain doom. Karkat, meanwhile, finally understood something about human romance. It made so much sense, once John had explained what a father was. Even though they only had one quadrant, it was deeper than matespritship tended to be in troll society. Perhaps they had compensated by exploring one type of romance more heavily? Either way, Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler had pulled off the romance beautifully.

Karkat wiped his red tears on a sleeve, noting John’s snot staining his shoulder. John’s white shirt, in turn, was stained red by the tears he’d cried. It looked almost like someone had bled on it. “Shit,” muttered Karkat. He looked at the television. “We’re going to have to change our shirts. Probably burn these too, just to keep from staining everything else.”

“Um…” John removed his shirt. “Actually, there’s a laundry room, and I kinda know how to operate the washer. Dad showed me how when he left for one of his business trips.” Karkat nodded, taking off his shirt. John took it and walked off to the laundry room. Karkat looked appreciatively at John’s physique. Just because he was, unofficially, Nepeta’s mate (and it would be stupid to deny that), that didn’t mean that he couldn’t look. Anyway, John might be in the market for a kismesis.

Not that Karkat would be able to fulfill that role properly, he realized after a few moments. “Fucking red-black-rom.” He picked up the case of movies John had found. Most of them looked pretty stupid — he recognized a few pictures, and some of them even he would have a hard time defending. The human version of that one would probably be especially insipid.

It was about then that he came across the movie title that promised to be a key to understanding everything about human romance forever. John returned with a bowl of popcorn. Karkat nodded at him. “So you pick out a new movie yet?”

“Yeah. I want to watch this one.” Karkat pulled out a movie.

“That one was my Dad’s favorite. I never really got it.” Karkat rolled his eyes.

“Well, it’ll help me understand your weird little human culture. We’re watching this _Love Actually_ movie and so help me god I am not listening to you whine during it or I will _kill_ you.” John laughed as Karkat put the movie in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, what movies are Karkat seeing in Dad's DVD case? The world may never know (I'm not even sure _I_ know).


	3. You've Been Scouting Defenses For So Long Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People return. Jobs are doled out. And the term "morale" is misinterpreted by trolls who have no concept of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, the title is a riff off a line in the Eagles' _Desperado_ , off the album of the same title. Secondly, this chapter and the next one are kinda short compared to the rest of the work, although they're still almost 2K words a pop. Third, this has what I believe is the perfect job for Stoner Gamzee (as opposed to Sober Gamzee, whose perfect job is the guy running the electric chair, or possibly the guy _in_ the electric chair). So yeah. Here we go!

**Part Three: You’ve Been Scouting Defenses For So Long Now**

Terezi climbed the ladder. For Karkat’s sake, she hoped that the hive they were apparently going to be staying at for now was equipped to handle twelve trolls and four humans. She sniffed. A strange aroma was drifting her way, an almost smoky aroma that clouded things somewhat. John was standing there, where the smoky smell was emanating from, and Karkat was leaning against the hive walls. “About fucking time someone showed up,” growled Karkat. It was quiet enough that hearing him presented no problem whatsoever.

John took something from his mouth. “Ah. Away Team Alpha, what’s your report?” He placed it back in his mouth; Terezi was barely able to identify it as a pipe. Karkat grumbled something, then glared at them.

“Look, it was his idea to name you all. So… I’m interested too. What the hell did you find?”

Terezi imagined Rose’s eyebrow was quirked as she said, “We’re the first ones back, aren’t we?” Terezi held back a laugh as Karkat glared at her.

“He used alpha, that means you’re the first, sniff it, yadda yadda, just hurry up with the fucking report.” The twitching of his eye was enough that even she could notice, and that only made suppressing the laugh harder.

This may have been why she didn’t bother holding back anymore, and just let the laughs come for a few minutes. “Well, Karkles,” she said as soon as she’d gotten her fit of the giggles under control, “the first thing we discovered was a kind of training ground at a fair distance north. It has certain training facilities — a running track, a chessboard, specialized equipment for training up one’s body.” Karkat was grimacing, and some of his fangs were bared. “Then we went a little further north, and we found a pretty decent mountain range. All… pointy. Could be a good alternate defense site…”

“We’re staying at this mesa and that’s final. There’s enough goddamn room to build a proper fort, especially given the terrain modification software John says the humans have a code for the duplication of.” He looked at her for a few moments. “But continue.”

“We found imps, mostly harmless, Tavros says they’re harbingers for other minions — ogres and basilisks and giclopes and something called a ‘lich’ that’s apparently really badass.”

“Fucking great. A whole bunch of strong enemies flooding the goddamn planet, that’s the last thing we need.” Karkat’s finger began pointing duty. “OK, I’m in charge of divvying up labor from now on. Rose, Kanaya, there’s some sort of architectural manipulation… _thing_ on the computer. Use it to make the mesa bigger. Tavros, you’re in charge of getting your fauna prepared for the war that these imps and their other friends are going to bring us. Terezi…” He turned to John, who proceeded to have a whispered conversation with him.

“Terezi,” said John, “you’re going to debrief Karkat personally on the different happenings. The debriefing room is up on the second floor for now, he can show you where.” He grinned as he turned back to the others. “Everyone OK with their orders? Then let’s get to work!”

***

John chewed on his pipe thoughtfully. Once you got used to it, the taste wasn’t too bad. And the wallet seemed to be perfect for removing small quantities of things. He took another puff as the team of Vriska, Aradia, Equius, and Eridan approached. “Hi you four!” he said cheerfully. “Scout Team Beta, what’s the news?”

“Whe’re not ewen the first ones here?” sasked Eridan, his face dejected. “Whell, whe found some stuff, mostly a trainin ground a some kind.” Vriska grinned.

“And, what’s more, we found a chessboard at the training ground! And when we went a little further, we found more chessboards, and an oil river. Seems like there’s a chess motif here.” Vriska laughed. “So is this where we’re living? This dinky little hut?”

“Um… yeah.” John sighed. “OK. Aradia, Karkat wanted you to scout the asteroid field that we passed through on the way in here. Equius, you’re in charge of moving the alchemy equipment.”

“I refuse.” John sighed.

“Karkat said you’d say that. So he said, and I quote, ‘If he says that bullshit, respond that unless he wants grubfucking pail duty he’ll do as he’s goddamn well told.’ So… um, what’s pail duty?”

“I shall… er… see to it that any heavy equipment which needs lifting is lifted.” John laughed slightly as Equius walked away. He still wasn’t sure what that various threatening language had meant.

“Anyway. Eridan? You’re in charge of… what did Karkat say again… Let’s see… I got kitchen duty, Terezi’s got logistics… Karkat’s in charge of fuck off unless you want a boot up your ass, which I think he just made up… Oh! You’re in charge of cataloguing our library of various… um… movies and books and stuff.”

“You just whant me out of the whay, don’t you?” he asked, glaring at John through his fake coke-bottle lenses. Seriously, howh many fuckin books am i gonna be swhimmin through? Not wery fuckin many, I bet.”

“Actually… Dad had a fairly extensive library, and there might be other libraries around this place.” Eridan sighed. “Plus you’re also making sure all our movies are in order. Well, the human movies, anyway.”

“Oh god mowies? I fuckin hate this planet already.” Still, he walked off. That left Vriska.

John smiled nervously at her. She smiled back in a predatory manner. “Um… Vriska, you’re in charge of… um… gathering grist supplies. Since we, um, we might need more, especially if we… er… if we make a lot of backup food?”

“And for new weapons and stuff too, hopefully. I mean, if we’re going to be defending ourselves against the ogres and other beasts I saw while we were walking, we’ll need better weapons!” Vriska grinned and placed a hand on his chest. “Don’t tell me Karkles didn’t mention better defenses… he’s so defensive that he wouldn’t be satisfied with a grub-stomping battleship overhead.” John nervously gulped, and Vriska pulled back, laughing. “OK, OK. So let’s see to gathering some grist as a pre-emptive measure! YAHARR!” And with that, she was gone.

John saw Jade’s head crest the cliff’s edge. As soon as she was up, Nepeta had leapt up and dashed over to cuddle with her best friend in an adorable snugglepounce. “Hi, you guys!” Feferi was the last one up, laughing as she ran over to them.

“We found a giant ocean made of oil to the south!” she shouted, grinning fin to fin. “You cod see miles and miles of nothing but black all the way to the horayzon.”

“OK. Anything else?” asked John.

“Well, there were chessboards all over,” replied Jade. “They were kinda weird. And your girlfriend there kept beating me.” Jade made a mock-angry frown, and Nepeta turned to her.

“It’s not my fault you kept losing!” After a few seconds, “And he’s not my boyfriend!”

“And she’s not my girlfriend!” John looked at the two of them. “Anyway, Nepeta, you and Jade are going to do human culture classes and troll culture classes to get the differences known to everyone!” Nepeta jumped up and hugged Jade. The two girls squealed with delight. “And with that out of the way… Feferi?”

“Glub?”

“I’m not sure if this is really a big concept in troll society, I kinda had to explain it to Karkat and I’m not sure he gets it, but… um… You’re going to be in charge of everyone’s morale!”

“…Glub? I’m everyone’s moirail now?!” Her voice sounded somewhat distressed.

“No, not moirails, morale! It’s… um… making everyone feel better about what we’re going to be doing. Keeping us feeling good. Um… what was the word that Rose recommended I use… esprit de corps!”

“I have to be everyone’s _MATESPRIT?!_ ” John facepalmed.

“No, no, no! You’re in charge of… um… keeping us confident and stuff like that. Getting us excited about what we’re about to be doing and all that. You know?”

“Oh.” She was silent for a moment. “So… I’m going to be keeping enthusiasm high, then?”

“Yes! That’s a good way of putting it.” Feferi grinned.

“I think I can handle that! I’m going to need to find the kitchen so that we can begin making a big party deal!”

“Actually, I’m the cook, so I’ll help you!”

“Why thank you, John!” Feferi grinned. “I suppose we’re the last ones here?”

“No, I’m still waiting for Dave’s group to get back. The kitchen is just inside and to the left, I’ll join you in there when I’ve finished. Which, um, will be whenever Dave and them show up.”

Jade and Nepeta had already retreated inside. Nothing left for John to do but wait.

***

Knowing a guy who was a psychic was a good thing on occasion, Dave reflected. It meant that instead of flash-stepping or climbing a ladder, you could hitch a ride on the flotation express. Plus, Sollux’s form of flying was just all-around badass.

Even if, the first time trying it about two hours ago, Dave had almost hurled. He’d kept that shit under control, of course, but having breath that reeked was uncool, so he’d vowed to alchemize some toothpaste later and brush his teeth like a boss. And there was John, sitting around and smoking some dumb-ass pipe.

Well, OK, the pipe combined with the little suit he was wearing was cool in a sort of distinguished way. But still, it was being worn by dorky John Egbert. “Hey John.” Dave walked up to him. “So we found a cave that could be a pretty good base, all things considered, if it weren’t apparently a spawning ground for so many imps they blot out the sun and some shit like that.” He shrugged. “Also we found a few chessboards, and I found out that Gamzee can’t play chess and Sollux is able to get me into a draw.” John nodded. “So what’s been going on back at the ranch?”

“Well, you’re being put in charge of the defense of the fort we’re building here.” Dave’s smirk widened slightly. “Sollux, you’re in charge of the computers.” Sollux nodded, pulling out his portable computer and looking through its files. “And Gamzee…” John paused. He knew what Karkat had said about his suggestion, about how it was the kind of stupid idiot job that only stupid idiots cared about, but… It was important, wasn’t it? The Enterprise had it, after all. “You’re the counsellor.”

“The fuck is that? Does that mean I gotta be motherfuckin’ auspisticizing the shit outta everyone?”

“Um… not really. You’re mostly here to make sure we don’t all… um… flip our shit.” Gamzee grinned.

“Wicked sweet, motherfucker. I can totally do the shit outta that bitch.” He laughed as he wandered shipward. “But first, I’m feelin’ kinda hungry. Gonna make myself another motherfucking pie.” John grinned and walked up to the door.

“And I’m going to help Feferi prepare for our party! She’s in charge of morale!”

Sollux blinked. “She’s organizing moirails?”

John facepalmed. “Dave… you explain it to him.” And before Dave could object, John had dashed inside and shut the door.


	4. Later In The Evening, As You Lie Awake In Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John dreams. Aradia searches. As for the party? Big success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Turn the Page_ is one of my favorite songs. Little surprise, then, that I'd eventually reference it as a chapter title. This is another chapter that's mostly dream sequences. The whole reason for that is simple: We've got dreamselves and like hell I'm going to ignore the potential that little idea has.
> 
> Sorry it took so long to get this up, by the way. Chapter 6 was playing writer's block.

**Part Four: Later In The Evening, As You Lie Awake In Bed**

By all accounts, the party had been a rousing success. Even Karkat had been less of a crab throughout — though part of that might also have been Terezi’s assistance. The bed had been occupied by six trolls, somehow, and John had a feeling that things were going to get awkward with Kanaya waking up sandwiched between Eridan and Sollux. Especially since the only other girl in the bed was Feferi, who was on the opposite end from Eridan, and separated from Sollux by Equius and Tavros, the latter of whom had ended up spooning the former and had his head turned so that his horns were lying flat on the bed. Seriously, those things were ridiculously long.

John walked down the stairs, spying Gamzee curled up in a corner, sopor slime and alcohol dripping from his mouth in an unusually fragrant mixture. Asleep on one chair were Karkat and Terezi, cuddling sweetly in each other’s arms. Dave was passed out “ironically” on a table in front of the TV, which Nepeta was sleeping on top of like an overgrown kitten. Vriska had curled up on a pile of Rose’s knittings, which Rose had dragged in from the ship, and Rose and Jade were asleep together on the couch. The only one missing was Aradia, but since she was a robot and probably didn’t sleep, reflected John, that didn’t really matter.

John went into the laundry room. The hamper was filled with clothes that Kanaya and Rose had alchemized earlier in a fit of fashion-induced boredom, as well as some of John’s experimentations and several of Dave’s new suits. This would do well enough for sleep. He settled himself in a fetal position, pulled the jacket of the red plush puppet tux up over his shoulders, and slowly slipped off to dreamland.

***

John was familiar with Prospit’s landscape by now. The bright golden planet, its bright golden moon, the four towers, the nice-seeming Queen… But that wasn’t what he was here to do. He was going to dream-scout the Veil, find that meteor that had the interesting thing in it, and get the coordinates for Aradia. Then she could bring it over and Equius could remove the objects within and set up the weird-looking laboratory, whatever it was. It was probably important!

Still, that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy some luxurious flight time. A quick trip to LOWAS while he was asleep, to check on all their sleeping bodies, couldn’t possibly hurt. Sure, it would be weird, but that was how dreams were supposed to be, right?

As he approached the planet, however, he began feeling funny. Something twisted in his gut, like he was trying to wake up. As he backed off, the feeling faded. As he headed one planet over, the feeling faded. John frowned. A deduction had been made. He couldn’t actually enter the planet he was asleep on with his dreamself or he’d wake up. He made a mental note to let the others know that, in case it became important. These things often could.

He flew onto the surface of the other planet, the Land of Light and Rain. LOLAR shimmered, and he could see small enclaves of turtles attached to what looked like libraries dotting the landscape. This would be an important strategic place. Perhaps all these libraries might have some books that Rose hadn’t read! It wasn’t likely, seeing as how she was the Queen of the Books, but it was possible, and that was good enough for John!

John didn’t stay on the library planet very long. He had somewhere else to be and he wasn’t sure how time flowed when he was his dreamself. It felt faster for some reason he couldn’t properly explain. He floated in the Veil, searching for the right asteroid. It would be a bigger one, with various tubes inside it and with a big lab-like building on its surface and oh my there it was. He floated through the roof and quickly found the room he had been looking for. He made a note of where it was, and turned around, fully ready to fly back to LOWAS and wake up so he could contact Aradia.

Which was why he was surprised to find her floating next to him. “Hello, John,” she said, her voice somewhat flat. “I am surprised to see you here. I was not aware that you were also scouting the Veil.”

“Only in my sleep,” he replied. “And… um… by the way, this place? Totally needs to get moved to LOWAS where we’re building the fort. I mean, look at all the cool technology stuff!”

“Actually, I believe this has strategic importance, and we would do well to have it at our base of operations.” She nodded. “I will take this room and bring it back with me. I would also advise you to raid the libraries of the Land of Light and Rain. Perhaps you could send someone to collect the books from them.” She gazed dispassionately at the asteroid as she ripped out the room. “They could hold some strategic import, or from them we could glean our reason for coming to this place.”

“Okay! Sounds good.” John watched as she began slowly flying her way to Earth. Someone would have to go to LOLAR to grab those books, and John had a good idea of who to send. He would just have to find her… which was easier said than done, of course. He sighed. Perhaps someone on Prospit would know where Vriska was.

***

Aradia sighed. Everyone else seemed to enjoy sleeping so much, even Karkat. She looked at her robot body. Not for the first time since acquiring it, she wished she were alive. Being a robot was all well and good, and it had led to a good amount of exploration, which she dimly remembered enjoying.

But that all paled next to the _hunger_ — there was no other word for it — for food. She had been a gourmet, she thought, or perhaps just a lover of foodstuffs. But her robot form not only didn’t need to eat, it _couldn’t_ eat — and that, more than anything, stung her. If Equius had taken the time to get to know her, had taken the time to learn to love her, he would have realized that she was an expert on food, and would have given this gourmet a body capable of experiencing gastronomical delights.

Anger seethed to the surface as she thought of his cruel oversight. More punishment from the blue-bloods for being born with red blood in her veins. She would have to take out her frustration later. She couldn’t afford to swing this strange laboratory around like a hammer. That would only upset John, and even though he and Nepeta were an item, she didn’t want that. Even if she wanted very dearly to strangle Nepeta for taking John’s romantic leanings away from her.

All the other good partners were taken. Sollux had, for some godforsaken reason, hooked up with Feferi, so rekindling that old flame was no longer an option, as was the Empress herself. Serket was out because she had done that whole “murder” thing, and Kanaya and Rose were rather obviously into each other, even if they were being reticent about the whole thing.

Tavros? Self-esteem issues. Crippling ones at that, even with his new legs. Eridan? She’d sooner choke herself than hook up with that finned creep in any capacity. Karkat? Terezi? The two of them were as red as possible. Same with Dave and Jade. Redder than human blood. Gamzee? The mere thought of having red feelings for someone who was that lax about intoxicating his body made her want to puke, which was an achievement for a body that didn’t have a stomach.

Which left Equius, Nepeta, and John. Nepeta was cute, if somewhat childish, and could have been an interesting match, perhaps. Equius was obviously underhanded scum deserving only of black romance, and he could choke on that. But John… Aradia sighed. John was the only one, apart from Sollux, that she actually had realistic red yearnings for. Somewhat appropriate, really, since she couldn’t have either of them in the sense she wanted without hurting someone. True, it was possible that she could flip red for Equius, but… that disgusted her. The bile rose in her system at the mere thought of that.

Well, if she had bile it would have. As it was, the bile substitute would have to do. And her anger would have to go build unsatisfied. Such was the price of controlling her emotions instead of letting them run. She reminded herself of that as she silently cursed the blue blood that ran through her veins. The toxic blue sludge that wound its way through veins where once proud red blood had flowed, a deep crimson that would never be seen again.

Aradia let out a primal scream as she dragged the laboratory to its future location. The equipment would be moved by Equius, and then its purpose would be fulfilled. But right now, she had anger to work out. And nowhere was more perfect for that than the Veil.

***

The roiling rivers of blood made John uncomfortable. The blood-red planet didn’t seem all that friendly or entertaining. In fact, it seemed downright evil. But this was where Jade and Karkat dreamed, so it probably wasn’t all that bad.

Vriska’s dreamself tackled him. “JOOOOOOOOHN!” She grinned. “What brings you to the cool planet?”

“Looking for you,” he said. Vriska blushed slightly.

“But I thought you and Nepeta were — “

“Not like that — and we aren’t!” John’s face flushed slightly. “Look, what I meant was, I mean, not that you’re not cute, but, and I mean, I suppose I don’t know you all that well, but… anyway!” Vriska giggled at how flustered her comment had made him. “Look, the point is, I need you to do something when you wake up. The planet next door, the Land of Light and Rain?”

“What about it?”

“There’s libraries there. I need you to get the books from them. It’ll probably be really dangerous, so…”

“Just leave it to me!” laughed Vriska. She sounded so certain of herself, it was almost scary. Still, John felt relieved by her confidence.

“All right, I’ll leave it up to you, then,” he said, grinning at her. “Good luck!” And with that, he flew off towards LOWAS. As he did, he began thinking about the trolls. He was just Nepeta’s friend, that was it! The horn-touching had been accidental, and sure she was cute, but that didn’t mean he felt like that toward her.

After all, he was still only thirteen. He knew he liked girls, but he wasn’t sure if he was quite _ready_ for a girlfriend yet. Emotionally. He’d never even kissed a girl! He sighed and filed it under “Ugh, so confusing” as he neared the planet, preparing to let himself wake up this time.


	5. Learning About Cultural Differences Just Ain’t My Bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How hard is it to teach humans about troll romance? About as hard as getting trolls to understand that human reproduction has limits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter comes from the song _Smokin' In The Boys' Room_. This chapter fits somewhere after the party, although it could conceivably occur anywhen afterwards. I'm still not entirely sure how I came up with this chapter's concept, but I'm glad my mind eventually picked this song — it gives a little look into what these "cultural differences" classes are like.

**Part Five: Learning About Cultural Differences Just Ain’t My Bag**

“Ugh, so furstrating! Can’t you get it? It’s purrfectly simple!” In one fluid motion, Nepeta had removed her hood and begun to chew on it. “Honestly… it’s not like there’s even a bad example, we’ve got an excellent example of meowrails with me and Equius! Probably the best example ever!” More frenzied chewing followed.

“I think,” said Rose, “that it’d be easier to understand if you explained why exactly you’re an example of that, and not of our human best friends concept that seems to be confusing you as much as pale romance confuses us.”

“I kinda get it!” said John. “I mean, um, it’s like you’re his best friend, but you’re also the one who keeps him from going off the deep end and just killing everyone, right?” Nepeta rolled her eyes, and John sighed. “Well… going off the deep end and doing something dangerous…?”

“I furgot. Humans aren’t as aggressive as trolls. It’s not as ingrained in you to kill purrty much efurrything you see.” Dave raised a hand. “Well, OK, maybe it is, but you don’t have the urge to kill each other all the time.” Dave kept his hand up. “No you don’t! Your tempurrs aren’t as bad as ours, I know they aren’t!” Nepeta sniffed slightly. “They have to be. Fur goodness’s sake… they have to be. I couldn’t bear it if you were like us but in a sugary environment!”

“Actually, it’s kinda customary to raise your hand when you need to go take a piss in the middle of class,” said Dave. “So… yeah. I need to piss. I’m gonna go do that now, ‘kay?”

“Oh. Um… OK.” Nepeta continued to chew on her hood as Dave stood up and left the room. “So… um… basically I’m there to make sure he doesn’t do something that could get himself or others killed without reason. Ms. Meowryam was supposed to do that with Vwhiskers, but she didn’t do all that good a job. I mean, Aradia didn’t have to die, but because Kanaya wasn’t quite right for the job, she… um…” Nepeta sniffed again, but she replaced her hood on her head. “Basically, the goal of a good conciliatory relationship is keeping the functions of society purrfectly smooth!”

“Even if said societal functions include killing children and others?” asked Rose, an eyebrow arched.

“Well… um… it doesn’t anymeowr… but it used to, and since Equius is kinda… extra-strong? You know… so I had to keep him from killing trolls. Because he’d be able to do it on accident, or if he got too angry. So I was… um… his purressure valve! Only not so much that purrpose as talking about feelings!” She grinned. “That’s most of a meowrail’s work, to be honest! Talking about feelings and making sure that your meowrail doesn’t go and act on their violent feelings.”

“OK, so then what’s an auspistice for?” asked Jade. Nepeta cleared her throat.

“OK, so you know how I explained kismesissitude?” The three remaining humans nodded. “Well, black relationships are really prone to infidelity, OK? I mean, it’s kind of in troll nature to be angry and hate purrty much efurryone. Auspistices are there to keep the weaker blackrom from becoming… well, OK. I’ll try with an example!” She indicated for the three of them to stand up. “So suppose that Rose and Jade had a strong black romance going on, OK?”

“I suppose, for the sake of our understanding, we can use this example,” said Rose.

“Yeah, as long as it isn’t real!”

“It’s just an example. Now. Suppose Jade develops black leanings toward John too! Uh-oh, suddenly we have a purroblem!”

Dave chose that moment to enter the room. “OK, what the fuck are we standing up for.”

“Dave! Purrfect timing! I need you to help with this example!” She dragged him between Jade and John. “Now. Because Jade’s black leanings threaten to break up Rose and Jade, we need someone to help keep society running smoothly. Enter Dave!” She grinned. “With Dave’s mediating, Rose and Jade can be kismesisses, and John is kept from interfurring in this relationship!”

“But what if I had red leanings for Rose?” asked John. Nepeta arched an eyebrow.

“Then if Rose reciprocated you’d be matesprits. It’s not that complicated.”

“I believe,” said Rose, “that what John is saying is that the casual attitude towards bigamy that seems to pervade troll society is confusing and disorienting for one raised in a solely human environment, as human reproduction is entirely monogamous and, in fact, does not have the genetic flexibility troll procreation does. Humans must, in fact, be concerned about such things as finding a partner of the appropriate physical sex for reproduction and keeping out of incestuous situations due to a combination of several factors.”

“Oh…” Nepeta frowned. “Yeah, that sounds like more than we have to think about fur our… partners.” She shrugged. “Purrhaps you can explain during the classes fur trolls, Jade?”

“Sure, I can do that!” Jade grinned. “Anything for John’s girlfriend!”

“I’m not his girlfriend!” The hood was off again and Nepeta was chewing on it in a furiously frustrated manner. “Honestly, you guys don’t get it!”

“Yeah, we’re not boyfriend and girlfriend or matesprits or whatever! We’re friends. F-R-I-E-N-D-S friends!” John was glaring at the other three humans, who were repressing their laughs.

“You sound like it’s true, bro,” said Dave, the first to break into laughter. “Seriously, dog. We get it, you two dig each other, that’s cool, just stop denying it and we’ll be cool!”

“Yeah, besides, you two are really cute together!” said Jade, an arm around Dave.

“I must agree with the evidence already presented,” said Rose. “The two of you seem to make an excellent pairing, and you are clearly no strangers to the art of the swift denial. And John, isn’t a swift denial the first sign of romance in almost any medium you might choose?”

“This isn’t a movie, though!” John sighed. “Agh… just… let us be, OK? We’re just friends, nothing more, move along, nothing to see here!” He was glaring pointedly at all three of them. Nepeta nodded.

“Besides, I happen to have some red ambitions fur myself, even if they’ve been cruelly dashed on the rocks.” She turned back to the blackboard. “So! Review time! What’s the most important aspect of a matespritship?”

***

“No, no, no!” Jade sighed. “OK, look. Suppose John and I were brother and sister, OK? Since we look a lot alike, and siblings are like that.” Jade indicated the blackboard. “The first thing about it is cultural. A lot of earth cultures had incest taboos, which meant that being… intimate with your siblings was breaking the law.” Jade nodded. “Moving on to the next bit… incest leads to things called birth defects.”

“Wait,” said Karkat. “You mean hatching maladies, right?” Jade rolled her eyes. This really wasn’t going as well as she’d hoped.

“Did you forget the last lesson, Karkat? Where I explained that humans don’t hatch, they’re born?” A look of comprehension dawned on his face. “So yeah. I mean birth defects. Things like being born with genetic disease, or malformed or something.” Karkat nodded.

Gamzee, on the other hand, looked confused, and as soon as she indicated him with the pointer she was carrying, he began trying to piece together what he’d just learned. “So… when a human has a motherfucking baby thing growing inside him or her, and it hatches all motherfucking wrong, it’s because he decided that his motherfucking matesprit ought to be his bitch-ass brother sister thing?” Jade sighed. There were so many things wrong with what he’d said. All the things. All of them.

“Humans only have one quadrant, dumbass!” said Vriska, her voice sounding cheesed off. “God. And they don’t hatch, it’s live birth, like mammalian lusus species! Or mammals in general.” She looked at Jade. “Am I right so far?”

“Yeah, so far so good,” she said. “Terezi, are you getting all of this OK?” Terezi grinned.

“I’m blind, not deaf, Harley,” she said, “but yeah, reading you loud and clear. So if a brother and a sister make a baby, it’s more likely to have these birth defect things?”

“Exactly,” said Jade. She looked at Nepeta. “Is this any more understandable about why Rose was saying ‘no incest’ in class today?” Nepeta nodded. “OK then! On to the other subject for today! As Vriska mentioned, humans have only one… um… type of romance! But it exists along a spectrum, for the most part. And I guess there’s a second type, but we won’t talk about straight-up lust because that’d just be weird.” Jade cleared her through, an unspoken “And awkward” drifting through the room.

“Oh, hey, Rose explained this fuckin’ shit to me, can I go?” asked Gamzee. “Only I got a few motherfuckin pies coooling and I gotta make sure that — “

“No, Gamzee, you have to stay!” Jade sighed. “Now, at this end of the… um… spectrum I guess… there’s hate, which most humans don’t associate with sex, and at the other end is love, which most people do!” She drew a line. “In between there’s a lot of different things. Friendship, rivalry, friendly rivalry, All these things have a place on the spectrum. So… There’s a certain point where sex stops being such a taboo thing and becomes acceptable, and it’s pretty far towards the love end.” She paused. “Well, unless it’s between siblings, in which case it’s not acceptable.”

“OK, so if Nepeta and Kanaya were humans, and they were sisters, they wouldn’t be able to reproduce, but if they weren’t, it would be acceptable?” asked Vriska. Kanaya tsked.

“Not… um… not quite,” said Jade. “You see… in order to reproduce, humans need a man and a woman.” Karkat blinked. “It doesn’t work otherwise.”

“Wait. You have only one form of romance. Only one way of producing genetic material. How the fuck are you allowed to make it that complicated? I mean, I get that your young grow inside you like tumors or something, but why can’t a male human carry a child?”

“It’s… Well, it’s a matter of…” Jade growled in frustration. “Oh, I’ll get Rose to explain it. Rose can tell you all about biology and why boys and girls are different and what that means for having babies.” Jade closed her book. “Culture class over for today. Out. Get out. I need to lose some frustration.” The trolls looked at each other. “NOW!!!!!”

The sound of twelve trolls rushing from the room could be heard. Jade banged her head against the desk. “Urgh… John, I am gonna kill you for giving me this job. Karkat too.” Nepeta snuck back into the room and gave Jade a confused look. “Is it this frustrating teaching us?” Jade asked, looking up at her.

“Kinda,” said Nepeta. “I honestly don’t know why you think troll romance is so confusing… but then I get in here and I can’t understand half of what you’re saying about human romance.” She poked her stomach. “I mean… a purrty little grub growing in my belly? Sounds weird…”

“Hatching from an egg sounds weird to me,” said Jade, looking up at the ceiling. “And Karkat is seriously pissing me off, and I don’t think he’s even trying! I kinda wish I were a troll just so I could be OK with the whole ‘having two boyfriends’ thing. Even if one of them would be a hateboyfriend.” Nepeta giggled.

“You want me to let Karkitty know?” she purred, smiling evilly at Jade.

“No… I’ve got enough to deal with without bringing Mr. Grumpy into this.” Jade sighed. “At least it’s been easier to not fall asleep now. I mean, it was really…” Jade yawned. “Really annoying when it’d happen all the…” Her head hit the desk again, and she began snoring. Nepeta just sat next to her. If she needed to, she’d be quite comfortable slapping the girl awake.


	6. I've Got Seven Women On My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More shenanigans, focusing on seven of the female cast members.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long to get up. Chapters 7 and 8 are done, and chapter 9 is... being a pain in the ass. I'll figure something out, I'm sure, it's just... argh.

**Part Six: I’ve Got Seven Women On My Mind**

“You’d be surprised at how many books this library has,” said Vriska, grinning at Aradia. She still wasn’t sure why robogirl had decided to come with her, but this time she was in control. Sure, John had sent her on this mission, but she was still deciding what to take and what to leave behind — and in the tradition of the finest Gamblignants, she was leaving behind only that which was either nailed down or on fire (she had, of course, brought a crowbar in the case of the former). “Seriously, it’s got all the books. ALL OF THEM!”

“Although books are an exhaustible commodity, I doubt this one library has a monopoly on their existence.” Aradia collected a large amount of books with her telekinesis. “In fact, until we return every book upon this planet I doubt there will be one place that can be said to contain ‘all the books’, and this of course disregards the fact that there are likely other planets with their own books.”

“Oh, come on, robogirl! Can’t a person exaggerate?” Vriska flashed her a smile. “And anyway, John said to bring home as many books as we could! Which means we need you to bring a lot of ‘em home. After all, I can’t carry all that much and you’re a powerful telekinetic.”

“We should probably be choosy. We do not have infinite space on our planet.” Aradia piled the books messily outside the library on a nearby sandbar. “And no matter how large the new fortress is, I doubt it would be able to contain every book upon this planet. It is a fortress, this is a planet.”

“I don’t care, Aradia. We’re bringing. All the fucking books. ALL of them.” Vriska bared her fangs. “It’s my mission, and I say we bring the books, as well as anything valuable that isn’t nailed down or on fire.” Aradia sighed.

“The books are likely to be the only things of value here, Serket.” Vriska grinned.

“Excuse me, but who’s the Gamblignant again? That’s right, me. I know a little bit more about value than you do, Aradia. You just studied rocks and cooked.” Aradia would have arched an eyebrow at that if she’d had them. Instead, she stared blankly. “What, did I get it wrong? Did you prefer a different term to rocks?”

“I didn’t know you knew I cooked.” Vriska shrugged, grabbing a library catalogue.

“Of course I knew. I mean, fuck, how hard is it to figure out a potential kismesis’s interests? Even though I thought you would’ve been boring. But seeing how you treat Equius, it seems like I missed a really great opportunity. You totally should’ve done some of that angry beating-up bullshit when you were alive. I mean, god, what I would’ve given for Eridan to do that!” Aradia paused, looking at her hands. “Anyway! Help me with these books.”

Aradia didn’t move. “You… you actually cared enough to figure out what I liked?”

“Well duh! Now help me with these books!” Aradia turned, then punched Vriska with all her might. The other girl was lucky her neck wasn’t snapped by the sheer force; she merely went flying into a bookshelf. A small amount of blue blood dripped from Aradia’s fist, and when Vriska coughed, a small amount of blood dribbled from her mouth. “…Holy shit, ghost britches. Are you coming onto me?”

“…No.” Aradia turned and plucked more books from the shelves. “Just letting loose some anger.”

***

John’s eyes widened slightly. “We’re going to need a bigger fortress, aren’t we?” The pile of books was massive, and the house-fortress had begun expanding into the stone pillar. “How much stuff did you get?”

“Vriska wouldn’t stop complaining until we got the entire planet’s worth of books. This is about two libraries. The remainder of the books are on an asteroid I’ve coaxed into orbit above this planet.” Aradia kicked one of the books. “I’m going to sleep now. I’m not sure if I even can, but I’m going to try.”

“All… all right! Have fun, I guess.” John scratched his head. How robots slept was going to be a secondary concern. Right now, he needed the architecture team. He pulled up Pesterchum.

**_ectoBiologist began pestering  tentacleTherapist [19:39]_   
EB: rose!  
EB: going to need you and kanaya to build some more fortress!  
EB: aradia and vriska just brought back so many books.   
TT: Would it be prudent to assume an exhaustive amount of books?  
TT: At any rate, we shall be down shortly.  
TT: I’ll just need to contact her.   
EB: you can’t fool me!  
EB: she’s there with you, isn’t she?   
TT: Whatever would give you that impression?  
TT: I assure you she’s nowhere near this room.   
EB: uh-huh. suuure she is!  
EB: liar.   
TT: I would not lie about the presence of a fellow architect.   
EB: you would if she was your girlfriend!   
TT: A bold accusation coming from one so deep in romantic denial.   
EB: it’s not denial if nothing is happening.   
TT: A bold claim, although I’d be willing to bet actual money that you wouldn’t mind having her as a girlfriend.   
EB: rose, quit teasing me!   
TT: All right, fine.  
TT: I assume you wish me to come down as soon as possible?   
EB: yeah, and bring kanaya too.   
TT: Your wish is my command.   
EB: if that were really the case you’d can it on the references to me and nepeta being a couple.   
TT: Well, we’ll be down shortly.   
EB: ok!  
EB: see you later! **

***

** EB: ok!  
EB: see you later!   
_ectoBiologist ceased pestering  tentacleTherapist [20:04]_ **

Rose sighed as she began searching for her Hubtopband. True to her word, Kanaya wasn’t in the room — she was in the attached bathroom, showering up. Rose had been quite tempted before John had messaged her, and now… She pushed open the door quietly. The sounds of running water and Kanaya’s halfway-decent singing voice mixed pleasantly to Rose’s ears, and the steam that escaped made Rose want to take off her own clothing and join Kanaya in the impromptu sauna.

She only really noticed what she was doing when she heard the running water stop; by that point, she had removed her shirt and dress, and was reaching around to unhook her bra. Embarrassed by her state of undress, she quickly grabbed her clothes and swiftly but quietly darted into her room. Putting on the shirt, she called to her friend. “Kanaya! John wants us to meet with him.”

“All right,” came Kanaya’s voice, along with the sound of a towel rubbing her carapace dry. “Tell me, Rose, what did John want?”

“He wants to expand the fortress. Apparently Vriska and Aradia brought back all the books from a nearby planet, and there are a lot of them.” Rose grabbed her hubtopband from her desk (why had she left it there, of all places?) and put it on.

“More library space, then. Did they bother to check for duplicates?” Rose glanced over; Kanaya had walked out with only a towel on, and the towel was wrapped around her hair instead of her body. Simply put, it was mesmerizing to the thirteen-year-old.

“Er… I don’t think John mentioned whether they had or not,” said Rose, tearing her eyes away. “Also, would you mind terribly getting dressed?” Rose could feel the heat rising from her face, and fairly soon she felt heat radiating from Kanaya’s as well.

“Right. Sorry.” After a few moments and the rather unique sound of fabric brushing against carapace, Rose heard Kanaya say, “I’m decent now. Sorry about that, Rose.” Rose sighed and turned around. The faint remnants of a hard blush still tinted both girls’ cheeks, and Rose’s breathing was slightly quicker than normal.

“Well then, let’s go see how John wants the library built,” said Rose, stepping onto the transportalizer.

***

Feferi stretched and yawned. “That was a really good supper! John’s an amazing cook!”

“And an amazing listener,” volunteered Nepeta, who was drawing something on her computer.

“Heehee. You’d know, wouldn’t you, miss Human Matesprit?”

“He’s not my matesprit!” Nepeta’s face flushed green, and she pressed harder on her tablet. “I still have feelings fur Karkitty, you know that, Feffurry!” Feferi plopped down next to her.

“Whale, Karkat seems to be more interested in Terezi, so I’m not shore how whale that’d go. But still!” The Imperial Troll laid back and rolled over. “You’ve got a good thing with him! And he touched your — “

“He didn’t know!” interrupted Nepeta, bolting straight up. “I’m going fur a walk. Fur some reason it’s feeling purrty wrong in here.” She stormed from the room, leaving behind Feferi, who was giggling to herself.

“You’re totally into John too,” she said, getting up and walking over to her pod. It was no recuperacoon, but for some reason the dreams weren’t as horrible here as they were back on Alternia, and the sopor slime wasn’t as necessary.

***

Nepeta still wasn’t sure how exactly Terezi had convinced her to take a walk with her and talk about Karkat. It was a spectacularly bad idea, but Nepeta was going along with it anyway. “But what I’m trying to say, Nepeta, is that Karkles and I go waaaaay back.” The little giggle she added at the end didn’t help Nepeta’s feelings any.

“Still, I mean, you could’ve at least given me an opportunity to confess to him.” Nepeta growled. “I’ve been flushed fur him all my life!” Terezi sighed.

“So have I, Nepeta.” She continued walking down the hall. “So onto other romantic issues… I know you keep saying you don’t have red leanings for John, but it just seems a bit like me and Karkat two sweeps ago, or Sollux and Aradia while Aradia was still alive.” Nepeta crossed her arms and frowned.

“Well it’s not! We’re just friends, it’s just that he’s nice and sweet and kind of squeamish but that’s fine because he’s a human and that’s kind of normal for them.” Nepeta looked up at the ceiling. “Purrhaps Kanaya could use a red romance.”

“Kanaya already has flushed ambitions. That Lalonde human,” said Terezi, her grin exposing her array of brilliant white fangs. Nepeta sighed.

“Well, Mr. Ampurra is out of the question. He gives me the creeps!” Terezi nodded, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“You and me both, Nepeta. You and me both.” Terezi turned her head to look at Nepeta. “Seriously, though, you and John make a good match!” Nepeta growled. “I’m serious!” She grinned. “Well, John’s up ahead if you want to go for it. I’m gonna go see where Aradia is and see about cheering her up.”

“I won’t!” shouted Nepeta as Terezi bounded off down another corridor. But John was just down there. She should say hi. Saying hi wouldn’t hurt, especially since she was near him anyway.

As soon as she reached the room where Terezi had indicated John was, the human boy turned around and waved to her. Nepeta smiled and waved back. There wasn’t necessarily anything bad about John. He was just human, and only weirdos would think about dating a human.

“Hi, John!” she said as soon as she had reached him. “Rose and Kanaya are working on things?”

“A library. I sent Vriska and Aradia to get some books from the planet next door, and they brought all the books on the planet!” John motioned to a large stack in front of him. “That’s the fifteenth set that Rose and Kanaya have gotten down for arranging. The library’s been built, they’re just stocking it.” John grinned and put an arm around Nepeta’s shoulder. “You feeling hungry? Because I’m feeling like cooking something.”

“Sure, I could be tempted!” She placed an arm around his shoulder. “What were you thinking of making?”

***

Aradia smelled like metal and oil and Equius. It was a bit of a disgusting scent to Terezi, but what could you do? “Aradia, hi!” The robo-girl turned and, of all the things it could do, yawned. Had she been sleeping somehow?

“Oh, hi, Terezi.” Aradia sighed. “I just had the strangest dream. I was bound and chained, but I was alive again. And not just alive in the sense that I had a moving body. I was an actual flesh-and-blood troll again, with proper blood instead of this blue piss running through my veins.”

“Wait a minute, you peed blue?”

Aradia snorted in disdain. “It’s an expression from the humans, it basically means something about as good as pee. So fine I’m insulting Equius’s precious blue blood.”

“Well, it’s his fault he takes the hemospectrum so seriously it may as well be the fucking word of god.” Terezi clapped a hand on her friend’s metal shoulder. “But enough about Mr. Hoofbeast. What about you, how are you holding up?”

“I’m okay, I guess,” she said. “I don’t know, it’s kind of hard to feel anything past the indiscriminate rage. Seriously, do all the higher bloods have these fucking rage issues?”

“Well, Gamzee doesn’t, but he’s so high on sopor all the time I’m surprised his blood hasn’t turned green.” Aradia laughed, and Terezi smiled. It was good to hear her friend laugh again. It had been too long.

***

Kanaya glanced around the library. The duplicate books had been piled neatly in the center, and would likely be burned once Rose had finished sorting the last of them. Kanaya, of course, was in charge of making sure that there weren’t any duplicates, and by now had finished her catalogue up to the last one.

The amount of duplicates had been surprisingly low, and the material had been surprisingly varied. For instance, the shelf she was next to at the moment held rainbow drinker and vampire romances (once she had explained Rainbow Drinkers to Rose, the human girl had announced that vampire fiction would be going alongside rainbow drinker stories).

She could see Rose climbing the ladder to insert the last of the books. Those she was adding were mostly books on warfare and tactics. Kanaya wasn’t sure why they’d need a book on war, but they apparently did. Just because it made no sense was no reason to leave it behind. Kanaya sauntered over to Rose’s bookshelf. By the time she arrived, Rose had finished putting away the last book and was climbing down the ladder. “You can jump, you know,” said Kanaya.

“Oh, yes, jump, and wind up falling on the floor and breaking a bone or tearing a ligament.” Rose finished her climb quickly and placed a hand on Kanaya’s shoulder. “I have to say, I’m amazed that there were so few duplicates.” Kanaya nodded in response.

“So am I.” Kanaya licked a fang delicately. “Rose… these are some unusual books in this library. I’ve noticed at least eight biographies of each of us, twelve works mentioning sixteen heroes in the title, and enough books on four-player chess to fill their own libraries.”

“You noticed the books about us too?” Rose frowned and linked her arm in Kanaya’s, heading to the transportalizer. “I think this is more evidence that our ships were meant to collide, and that somehow we have a destiny in this space anomaly.” Kanaya frowned.

“Entirely possible. But what is that destiny?”


End file.
